25 Things Moms Don’t Want You To Know
The Mom Confessions
by Jill Ceder
Most of us do the best we can when it comes to parenting. All we can do is rely on our instincts. You know, those biological gifts that existed before sleep books, mommy wars and pictures of Gisele breastfeeding on the Internet. If you are reading this post, I feel confident that you are aware of truly bad parenting, and you don’t engage in it. Sometimes our best parenting may be selfish or lazy, but birthing a child does not make you a superhero or a nun. Here are 25 confessions from parents that did not make your Facebook newsfeed.
1. My newborn is not cute. Admit it, he looks like a grumpy old man.
2. I signed up for the $200 baby music class baby so I can have something legitimate to say when people ask me what I did all day.
3. I go to a playgroup just for the wine and cheese.
4. I checked into a hotel and let my husband handle the whole cry it out process.
5. I let my baby sit in the crib babbling for an extra hour so I can watch one more episode of OITNB.
6. I sometimes hug the babysitter when she shows up.
7. I let my toddler watch 3 episodes of Sesame Street while I read online articles about the importance of being present with your child.
8. I did not sign my kid up for swim lessons because I refuse to put on a bathing suit.
9. I feel annoyed when my kid gets an ear infection on the one day I have lunch plans with a friend.
10. I avoid activities that are good for my baby’s sensory development, but require too much clean up.
11. I lied to the doctor about getting rid of bottles.
12. I have a favorite child.
13. I am avoiding potty training because I don’t want to carry about a portable potty.
14. I pay a babysitter so I can get a mani/pedi.
15. I lose patience with my kid because he is acting like a kid.
16. I believe that food variety for my toddler means different shapes of pasta.
17. I feed my kid the real goldfish; not that bs organic kind.
18. I let my kid play in a public water fountain as long he does not lick the basin.
19. I hate every kid on the playground doing the exact thing my kid is doing.
20. I pretend to check my phone when my kid grabs another kid’s toy.
21. I threw a huge 1st birthday for myself, with lots of alcohol.
22. When my kid is throwing a tantrum, I imagine I am taking tequila shots on spring break.
23. I wear yoga pants and the last yoga class I went to was pre-natal.
24. I hate summer break, winter vacation and every holiday that requires my to “entertain” my kids.
25. I engage in lying, bribing and trickery. Pretty much anything that will get my kids to do what I want them to do in the shortest amount of time.
How about you? What’s your mom confession?