As I walk into the school to drop off my kids, the baby on my chest in his carrier, I look around. Some moms are dressed to the nines, in full make up and hair done so perfectly that it looks not done at all. Others are in gym clothes, sweat still glistening on their forehead. And others are, like me, disheveled. Hair haphazardly in a bun, mascara smudged under the eyes, caked in from last night’s sloppy face washing ritual. I begin to notice that all the moms don’t really intermingle, but the scene is like a high school movie, with all the cliques sticking together. Here are the groups of moms that you will most likely see at every elementary school:
1. The PJ’s Moms. Also known as the Ugg boots moms. They didn’t bother to get dressed, but they did make sure to put on their $165 boots (with pj pants tucked inside) to make sure you know they haven’t totally given up.
2. The Gym Clothes Mom. Oh, sure, you wish that you had the discipline to get to the gym every day like them, but really, who has the time? Well, I’ll let you in on a secret. They do take care of themselves, but they don’t always go to the gym! They just don’t want to be the one that comes in their PJ’s, so they quickly throw on the spandex so that they feel like they’ve got you, and themselves, fooled.
3. Clueless Stay at Home Mom. These are the moms that thinks messy buns are totally in fashion, so it’s ok that their hasn’t-been-washed-in-four-days hair is quickly thrown into a bird’s nest on top of their head. Lip gloss is kept in the cup holder of the mini-van, and slipped on before getting out of the car, because they’re sure that they read that gloss is “in” somewhere (it was in the Dr’s office, and the magazine was 10 years old…Ok, that might just be me, but you get my point).
4. Fashionista. These are the moms that shop at all the trendy boutiques and wear cute accessories to go with their outfits. Not only do they all have hair that looks like they just starred in a Pantene commercial, they also have perfect manicures, and pedicures too– you know, because of their peek-a-boo high-heeled ankle boots that they’re wearing.
5. In a Rush Mom. It’s hard to get a read on these moms, since they’re always busy, busy, busy. No one is sure if they work or stay at home, and most of the time it’s like they’re a cartoon character, with a wind cloud behind them.
6. Must Be On Xanax Mom. While most of the other parents are rushed in the morning to get everyone where they need to be on time — and alive– these moms act like they just had a 90 minute massage with an extra scalp massage. WTF?
0.5. Checking Out the Dads Mom. A subcategory of all the above. These are the moms that are checking out every single dad that walks through the doors, and rates him. They text each other with a “Hot Dad Alert” and a description, to see if anyone knows who he is (ok, that might just be me, too, but you get my point).
I flutter from group to group, depending on the day, which I guess makes me a chameleon…which group do you belong to?