The 6 Stages of a Celebrity Crush from Your Youth
by Nicole Johnson
We’ve all had them, crushes: those pulse-pounding, butterfly-inducing, teen angst-ridden loves. The type so consuming you were sure if you weren’t together someday, you would just die. And when your crush was a celebrity….talk about unrequited love.
Mine, a native Canadian with a dimpled smile and a sweet laugh, was a pop phenomenon back in the 80’s. He and the other Corey, whose allure I’ve never understood, were inseparable. I first discovered Corey in 1987 in a small show called Roomies where he played a young college nerd who is paired up with an older military guy. Sound familiar? The show was unremarkable and didn’t last long, but my crush did. After that, I wanted to know everything I could about him, his favorite color, food, any tidbit, which moved me from fan category to stalker!! His likes became my likes. You get the idea…
You know you’ve fallen hard and have a massive celeb crush when you:
- Buy every teen magazine you can find (even stealing if you have to)…Bop, 16, Tiger Beat only to sigh and bitch to friends when your celeb crush is photographed hanging out with female celebs or worse, dating one, especially when they are prettier than you (damn you Alyssa Milano and Nicole Eggert…yes, the girl from Charles in Charge. She also dated Scott Baio, celebuslut).
- Have your walls, which your mother told you not to put pushpins in, decorated with taped up posters. You even cut one out and put it in a gold heart frame which you placed on your bureau to look at (and sometimes talk to) as you tease your hair into the biggest boof ever. The glass on the frame wears a thick and sticky goo you’re pretty sure is Aqua Net.
- Dream about your guy (because that is really what you consider him) while at the beach in your new Ocean Pacific gear while sunning with Hawaiian Tropic, which smells like coconuts but doesn’t have one ounce of SPF.
- Watch every movie (remember License to Drive?) three times, vacillate between crying every time he kisses his onscreen love interest and imagining yourself in her place. Even closing your eyes and tilting your head as they kiss, much to the mortification of your friends. Lie to your parents about which movie you’ve seen because there is no way in hell they’d let you see the same movie that many times, even for Corey. They work hard for their money.
- Kiss a pillow or your hand and pretend it is him…yes, this is weird. But not as strange as following it up with a lengthy conversation where you play both parts…his with a deeper voice though you really sound like a tween girl with a bad cold, or a severe bout of constipation.
- You pictured your life together including your wedding with a pink, not a white, dress; the kind Eden Capwell wore on Santa Barbara (the soap). You even have your kids names picked out. Tori for a girl and Corey for a boy. How cute would it be if they were twins? You’ve always wanted twins and you are sure he does too.
Celeb crushes, while foolish, are a part of who we once were. I will always remember mine fondly…while I had others, none ever compared to the love I had for my Corey. And, I vow, when my girls develop their own celeb crushes I won’t make them feel silly or childish. Instead, I’ll buy them movie passes so they can see him in whatever new movie, as many times as they want. I’ll even go along if they’ll let me….
Want to rekindle some fond memories of the crushes from your youth? Here are eleven of my favorite movies from the 80’s to inspire you!