With your first pregnancy, everyone had words of wisdom and wouldn’t shut up about how life was going to change. How come no one has words of wisdom about how parenthood changes with each baby? Things are so different with the third, and here are some examples.
1. Parenting Style:
Kid No. 1: You spend hours of your day staring at your baby and smelling her head.
Kid No. 2: You spend hours of your day being a referee to yet another one of their fights.
Kid No. 3: You spend hours of your day away from the kids, hiding in the bathroom or closet.
2. Date Night:
Kid No. 1: It takes you 20 minutes to say goodbye to your baby, and once you leave, you call to check in five times. In the first hour.
Kid No. 2: You blow your kids kisses from the door and tell the sitter you’ll keep your cell phone on.
Kid No. 3: Leave specific instructions to only call if there’s a broken bone or blood.
3. Choosing a Name:
Kid No. 1: You research names on hundreds of sites and books, write out all possible combinations, and get opinions from friends and family.
Kid No. 2: Might as well name this one after grandma/grandpa. Arthur or Bea are fine.
Kid No. 3: On the way home from the hospital, you pass a street that looks pretty and decide to go with that: Berkeley it is!
4. Going Out:
Kid No. 1: Mommy and Me, My Gym, Music and Me, you name it, you’re signed up for it.
Kid No. 2: The park is really nice, why should you spend all that money?
Kid No. 3: The poor kid goes to the bank, the grocery store and some days, the liquor store.
Kid No. 1: Plus sign on the pregnancy stick! Time to shop for maternity clothes!
Kid No. 2: Where did you pack away those maternity clothes? Meh, doesn’t matter, you’re holding out as long as you can.
Kid No. 3: “Regular” clothes? What’re those? You only wear maternity stuff these days. And the baby is 2.
6. Your Kid’s Clothing:
Kid No. 1: Everything is brand new, washed in delicate soap and properly folded and put away in the matching dresser or hung on color-coordinated hangers.
Kid No. 2: Hand-me-downs are washed and haphazardly checked for stains.
Kid No. 3: It’s cool if boys wear purple polka dots, right?
7. Parenting Style, Part II:
Kid No. 1: Race to pick up the baby whenever she cries, whimpers or blinks.
Kid No. 2: Race to pick up the baby so he doesn’t wake up kid No. 1.
Kid No. 3: Did anyone hear that? Is anyone going to help the baby? [Someone goes to nudge the baby swing with their foot.]
What did I miss? How did you change from kid No. 1 to No. 3?
This post was inspired by an old joke my uncle used to tell, and was featured on Huffington Post. Click here to see the full article on Huffington Post.