by Morgan Carver Richards
We all have that friend. The one we truly adore as a friend. Who also happens to be the mother of a little a$$hole.
Their kid is an asshole in every sense of the word. They lie, they hit, they start ridiculous f***ing fights with your kid because they are not wearing a pink dress or a Spiderman shirt. Every time you see the little a$$hole whispering to your kid, you know it is not going to end well, and you secretly want to run over and whisper to them that their pink dress came from Goodwill or that their Spiderman shirt is actually a hand-me-down from your older kid. Your friend is completely oblivious to the asshole ways his/her child has adopted since birth. Or maybe they aren’t oblivious to their child’s ways, they are just oblivious to understanding that their child actually needs to be told to stop being a little $hit on occasion.
So, you try to be nice. You are a good friend, and telling your friend that their kid is an a$$hole is out of the question. You smile at the kid, pat them on the head, and sometimes even say something nice to them, just for the hell of it.
But you secretly can’t stand the little a$$hole. So what are you supposed to do?
You are supposed to do nothing. Unless you know for certain that your friend will actually do something to stop their child’s ways. Most likely, they are not going to do anything. They are going to continue to make excuses for their child’s behavior, and you are going to continue to go along with it — in hopes that the child turns out to be a decent adult and you can actually look them in the eye one day and tell them that they were an asshole when they were a child (and hope they don’t tell their mother about it).
If your friend’s kid is getting in the way of your friendship, start finding things to do with them that can’t include kids. Ask your friend to go to a bar or an explicit rap concert. Invite them over when their a$$hole is at ballet or soccer. Even at school, if you both happen to be home on the same day. You just have to remember that you picked your friend for a reason, and that reason probably had nothing to do with their potential to stop their future children from being a$$holes.
Do you have a friend with kids like this? How do you handle it? What other advice would you give?