by Morgan Carver Richards
We all have that friend. The one we truly adore as a friend. Who also happens to be the mother of a little a$$hole.
Their kid is an asshole in every sense of the word. They lie, they hit, they start ridiculous f***ing fights with your kid because they are not wearing a pink dress or a Spiderman shirt. Every time you see the little a$$hole whispering to your kid, you know it is not going to end well, and you secretly want to run over and whisper to them that their pink dress came from Goodwill or that their Spiderman shirt is actually a hand-me-down from your older kid. Your friend is completely oblivious to the asshole ways his/her child has adopted since birth. Or maybe they aren’t oblivious to their child’s ways, they are just oblivious to understanding that their child actually needs to be told to stop being a little $hit on occasion.
So, you try to be nice. You are a good friend, and telling your friend that their kid is an a$$hole is out of the question. You smile at the kid, pat them on the head, and sometimes even say something nice to them, just for the hell of it.
But you secretly can’t stand the little a$$hole. So what are you supposed to do?
You are supposed to do nothing. Unless you know for certain that your friend will actually do something to stop their child’s ways. Most likely, they are not going to do anything. They are going to continue to make excuses for their child’s behavior, and you are going to continue to go along with it — in hopes that the child turns out to be a decent adult and you can actually look them in the eye one day and tell them that they were an asshole when they were a child (and hope they don’t tell their mother about it).
If your friend’s kid is getting in the way of your friendship, start finding things to do with them that can’t include kids. Ask your friend to go to a bar or an explicit rap concert. Invite them over when their a$$hole is at ballet or soccer. Even at school, if you both happen to be home on the same day. You just have to remember that you picked your friend for a reason, and that reason probably had nothing to do with their potential to stop their future children from being a$$holes.
Do you have a friend with kids like this? How do you handle it? What other advice would you give?
This reminds me of a few people I knew when my kids were little. Brings back memories. I ignored it. I didnt like when people gave me advice on how to raise my kids. But if the mom wasn’t around, I would tell the kid, thats not polite or we dont do that at our house.
I’d be really defensive if a friend criticized my kid, justified or not!
This cracked me up! We’ve had a couple of these, and unfortunately, it ended the friendship for both my child and myself. Well, we are still Facebook friends, if that counts. But we purposely don’t see them anymore.
I think that happens way more than people admit!!
Haha! I’ve lucked out so far… Still loved this though! Shared on my blog’s FB.
For the most part, I’ve lucked out too! But I’m 99.999999999% sure people think this about my kids! 😉
oh my gosh – i just do less play dates with them – it’s a fine/hard balance but bottom line is when you keep company with a$$holes than you become one too!
I think it’s like dogs: there are no bad dogs, just bad owners. If the kids don’t have real issues, then it’s a parenting thing. Right? Or am i totally off base here?
I don’t have this problem with friends yet, but I’m sure I will. People I’m stuck being around some…yeah. I won’t go into detail in case anyone actually finds this comment, but I can’t stand it. It would probably end our in person meetings if a friend’s kid was too awful, honestly, until their little monster either outgrew it or she got wise and straightened them out.
I’m a bit envious of the people that don’t have this problem! I have it both ways: one of my kids can be hard to handle, and another is an angel (her friends are another story). I wonder what my baby will be like!!
Oh thats’ tough. We haven’t run into this problem yet because my son is only 19 months. I’m sure we will get there though. I’m not sure what you do in that situation.
My favorite age! My youngest is 14 months. They’re awesome at this age!!!
I love love love this post. My kiddos are 22, 21, 14, and 13. I’ve been there, I’m still there. My new teens just don’t want to hang out with the kid anymore. The mom can’t understand and think my kids are the problem. I tried to explain that sometimes kids go in different directions and just because we are friends doesn’t mean our kids will click. Not working so I guess that friendship will end for me and my kiddos. Thanks for posting this…I don’t feel alone anymore.
whoa whoa whoa. Barbara, they don’t grow out of it?!? I love your way of dealing with it! I also love that you have four. we’re debating if we should go for it or not.
This cracked me up. My kids are still really little, so it’s hard to tell yet if their friends are bad apples, or just little kids who, like all little kids, can be insensitive. I’m dreading this as they get older. It sounds really awkward!
Meredith, how old are your kids? I don’t think anyone is an ass 100% of the time. At least, I’m not, so I figure kids aren’t either. 90% is a nice number 😉
ha! this is amazing. and BELIEVE ME, i can related. haha! thanks for sharing. 🙂
🙂 Awesome, Alyssa! I love when you pop in here! Thanks.
I often bite my tongue, though she is at an age where a mean look in her directions stops her in her tracks of influencing my older son. However if she tries to pull anything on my 1 year old the gloves are off and I have no problem telling her off when her mum can’t be asked. She might raise her eyebrows but we all have to stick up for our little ones that can’t. And breath lol
The fact that the little girl understands your looks means her mom is trying, right?! I think that’s promising!!!
This is a great piece! We got rid of the mother and the son! I was very gentle in telling the mother that we had to switch up our routine and she still took it hard, so hard she won’t talk to me! It’s actually a win win for me. Her son was hitting mine, saying nasty things and just down right mean! They live in our building and go to school together! They mother was always looking for a “plate date” so she didn’t have to entertain her kid. In turn my son was the whipping post for him! NO THANKS! I would like my son to be around kids that bring something to the table for him, not ones that make him cry! So goodbye a$$hole mother and kid! The mother also never corrected her son and if there was any kind of repermand it was in such a low speaking tone I could barely hear it! See ya. We are very happy now and my son is better off and more calm!