Recently, I was on the phone with a dear friend of mine, who is pregnant with her first baby.  She said something so remarkable, that I had to write it down.

I can’t wait to have this baby so things can go back to normal and I have my body back.


My teeth were biting my tongue so hard that I think I bled a little.  I knew I couldn’t say anything, and I didn’t, but it made me wonder where she had been since I had become a mother.  What about her sister, and all the other moms in her life?  She couldn’t really think that she’d be the one to actually revert back to her pre-baby life, the way all of us so unsuccessfully did?

As it turns out, she’s not the only one that comes up with humorous little bits like this one.  As a matter of fact, most pregnant women do!  When I was pregnant with my first two, I actually used it to my advantage at restaurants.  There was no way I would wait for a table in my delicate state!  Bathroom lines were fair game, too.  “The line is HOW long?!  Oh, but I don’t think the baby can wait that long…” Perhaps the most alienating thing I said when pregnant was in response to another mom telling me to get ready for juice boxes and goldfish, and I replied with, “Oh no, all the research I’ve done says juice is bad for kids and those goldfish are filled with junk and preservatives!”  I didn’t know it at the time, but that crinkle in her nose and at the corner of her eyes was a look that I now had with my friend, when I was biting my tongue.  Actually, I don’t think that mom ever said anything else to me to about parenthood, ever.  Even to this day, she doesn’t venture on the topic, even when I could really use her advice.

We all know some variation of the hot-shot pregnant woman, whether she goes on endlessly about her  “little bean” or giving mundane updates on pregnancy, signing the fetus up for its own email, or lecturing other pregnant and new moms on what they’re doing wrong.  What I don’t know is how gestating women got that way.  Sure, I’m focusing on first pregnancies, but I’ve noticed it a lot in second pregnancies, too.  Is it hormonal?  Does HCG make pregnant women smug?  Or is it that the ripening bodies are so tired and out of whack that the brain-to-mouth filter malfunctions?  Whatever it is, the next time I hear a pregnant friend or stranger tell me that there’s no way she’d ever let her baby cry it out, or that she’ll exclusively breast feed until 18 months, I’ll remember what it was like when I was in her shoes, and be there for her when she can’t take off the baby weight, the baby doesn’t latch, or when she is just so tired and can’t stop crying.
What’s the craziest thing a pregnant woman has ever said to you?