I Hate Playgrounds

by Tarynn Playle

I don’t like going to the playground.  Actually, I hate playgrounds. It is such a huge production. From getting the kids dressed: clothes, socks, shoes, and if you still have toddlers, diapers. Of course, you must bring snacks, and then have to go back into the house half the time, since you forgot the water!  And because it wasn’t hard enough, once everyone is strapped in the car, someone will have to pee before we pull out of the driveway.

Usually, when we get there, it’s great. The kids have fun, and I can (sort of) relax on the sidelines.

This year has been extremely hot where I live (Pacific Northwest). I understand this is nothing compared to states in the south, but the fact remains, I am not used to this weather. And I am not accustomed to dealing with the fun little “extras” that come with it at the park.

Here are the reasons I really, really don’t like the playground in the summer:

1. Way Too Crowded – There are children everywhere. As you get closer to the park, it looks as if a swarm of ants are taking over. With two very small children, a place this infested with kids is my version of torture.

**I have recently accepted that I cannot take my kids to the park by myself if I want to return home with both (alive and in one piece). It’s too easy to misplace one, (especially a 2 year old that likes to run off). I can do without the stress.

I Hate Playgrounds

Also, a little known fact about me: I don’t like kids.  I adore my children. I like my friends’ children (usually). But as a whole, in general, I don’t like kids. They’re loud, messy, stinky, and rude. And going to the park, you get all that…and more!

2. Parking –  This goes with number one. Too many people, nowhere to park. The trek to the playground is enough to wear the poor kiddos down before they even touch a slide.

 3. Teenagers Everywhere – I get it, it’s summer. Your parents are limiting your screen time so you can’t play World of Warcraft, 24/7. Good on them. Awesome.  But could you please find somewhere else to chill, perhaps with kids your own age? My kid would like to go on a swing and she’s been waiting patiently for you to give her a turn.  Also, could you play your wreck-less games somewhere else? You may not be aware, but if you slip and fall from that toy, not only will you be seriously injured (or worse), you will severely traumatize a park full of young, impressionable children.  So please, carefully climb down and be sure to avoid kicking unsuspecting children in the face in the process.  Oh, and lastly: stop dropping F-Bombs every other word.  Although, if my little ones start saying it, at least I can blame the punk kids at the park.


I Hate Playgrounds

4. Everything is too hot – First, don’t forget to check the temperature of the toys/equipment. There have been major improvements over the years (metal slide, anyone?), but nothing is immune to the sun that has beaten down on it all day long.  Next, the risk of sunburn and dehydration is enough to keep me away. But what kind of asshole mom does that make me?  The kids love the park. They have a blast. So, I need to suck it up, slather them with sunscreen, and force feed them water until they wear themselves out having the time of their life.
I Hate Playgrounds

And that’s only after I bribe a friend or family member to come along to keep me sane…and to help me keep an eye on the kids.

Do you have any pet peeves about the park?  What are they?  And if you think I’m the only one that doesn’t like other people’s kids, check out this post all about it by clicking here!

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