I Have a Muffin Top
by Kristina Cappetta
The muffin top.
It’s one of the many things I can’t stand, especially on myself. It really doesn’t go with any outfit. It’s also much more attractive on the edible muffin, if you ask me. I have to tell you that I don’t know when and where this little topper came from…Okay, maybe I do. Two kids + lots of snacks+ getting older – not enough exercise = The Muffin Top
I know I’m not alone here. But, what’s a momma to do? Embrace it? Maybe…
1. Adios Skinny Jeans, Hello Mom Jeans!– While I understand that the skinny jeans may have to find a new home in the back of the closet (or at Goodwill), I’m not sure whether I’m ready to buy “mom jeans” a one-way ticket into my closet. Perhaps, we can compromise with boot cut, okay muffin top?
2. Become Besties with The Wheat Thin & His Evil Cousin, The Triscuit– Who doesn’t love a little late night snack? But, those Oreos and Chips Ahoy are working undercover for the muffin top. I’m on to you.
3. More Sit-ups– Okay, realistically it’s not more sit-ups, it’s remember how to do a sit-up. Muffin tops are allergic to sit-ups. This one could be hard.
4. Spin Baby Spin– Since I hate sit-ups perhaps I need to find something else to reduce this muffin top to crumbs. More spin classes? Just as long as the seat is adjusted so I don’t feel like I fell off a horse…100 times. Just sayin’.
5. Trade the Tankini for the One Piece? – Ugh, I love me a good tankini. But, when you need more of a “tarpini” to cover your mid-drift, this may be difficult. I’m still not embracing the one-piece though.
6. Layering Tops– This is the master disguise of the muffin top. If you layer over the muffin top and can’t see it, then it doesn’t exist. Right?
7. Looser Tops– Besides layering, I guess I could go looser. Muffin tops love tight-fitting shirts because then they can show off. They seem to get lost in more fabric.
8. Granny Panties? – Is it Victoria’s Secret that she doesn’t love the muffin top? Please say no!
9. Skim Milk in My Coffee– Maybe my coffee addiction is to blame for my muffin top. Perhaps the “medium coffee, cream only” isn’t helping things. But, skim milk in my coffee to save fat & calories? Oh, the humanity!
10. More to Love– They don’t call them “love handles” for nothing right?
While many of you may embrace your muffin top as a badge for having kids and getting older… not this girl. Sell your baked goods elsewhere, muffin top.
So now that you’ve seen my list, what does a muffin top mean to you?