Sunday Sex!!
Welcome to week #4 of Sunday Sex Spiel With MrsMuffintop!
I often receive emails asking for advice on marital topics, most commonly in-the-bedroom issues, but include topics of every variety. I don’t always have a good answer –or any answer, really– so I thought it would be fun to open it up to you guys, too! The question/issue is posted anonymously, and you all get to offer your opinions and insight to the problem. The only rule is to be respectful in your comments. It’s okay to voice your opinion as long as you don’t degrade or bully others for theirs. If you want to ask a question (remember, it’s anonymous!), email me: CLICK HERE and put Sunday Spiel in your subject line!
Dear MrsMuffinTop,
I’m a single mom, my daughter is 5. Her dad isn’t in the picture. I’ve been dating a guy that I met on match.com for about 8 months and he’s great. I think we’re going to get married. Last week, he stayed home with my daughter when I went out with some friends from work. When I got home, I caught him watching a porn site. I don’t know why he didn’t hear me. I don’t know if I’m upset because he was watching it, or if I’m upset because he was watching it with my daughter at home, even though she was asleep. I never had this kind of thing come up with my ex-boyfriend (my baby’s father), so I don’t know how to talk to him about it. We didn’t really talk about it when it happened, but I don’t want to forget about it, either. Has anything like this ever happened to you? I don’t want to ask my friends, they’ll judge him.
——–E
So, how about it, MrsMuffinTop family? What do you think “E” should do? Let her know in the comments!
My opinion is going to based on whether he lives in the house too. If it’s also his house, then I don’t see an issue if the daughter was asleep. If it is her house (and they don’t live together) then that is a little distressing and should be addresses, but that is just my opinion. I would just let him know that although that type of thing is normal (watching porn), you are not comfortable with him watching porn with your daughter in the house. When I lived in the US, I would watch porn occasionally when my kids were asleep (my husband travels for work, so I was home alone often).
One line that i read a few times was how she said he didn’t hear her…I kept wondering if he wanted to talk to her, but didn’t know how to bring the subject of porn to the table….
If it bothers you E, then you should talk to him about it. I would say that you first need to identify why you’re upset before talking about it. That way the discussion will be more of a discussion rather than an argument.
YES! Completely agree! I’m sending her an email to view the comments.
I think if you are not in a relationship, then watching porn is your own business. If you *are* in a relationship, then your sexual/emotional needs should be getting addressed. The worrying thing is that he is sleeping with his girlfriend, yet still needs to watch ‘faceless/nameless/ women…naked… like his girlfriend isn’t enough. If his urges/needs cannot be contained or do not have proper boundaries, then what happens when that girl-child (who is not his) hits puberty?
So it needs to be discussed, at the very least to express concerns about ‘feeling special’, and to put any rules/boundaries in place.
great advice! I will make sure she sees this!